Looking back

I found my old blog today. The blog of a High School senior, days away from getting his diploma. A heart-broken boy who experienced the downside of human emotions. Thank God that time’s over. I believe I’ve changed and grown quite a bit since those days and I’m able to put that side of me to the archives… even though sometimes, it shimmers through. One blog entry, however, caught my eyes again, and I’d really like to take it over into this new attempt to be productive. It is in German, but the essence is easily summarized: it seemed to me as if the times where people were considerate of others in the decisions they were making had passed. Back then, I attributed that observance to society and changing values, and I’d probably still do so. Nonetheless, I’ve met quite a lot of people over the past two years that proved my bitter conclusion from back then not to be entirely true.

“Draußen ist Frühling. Wissen wir, was Kultur bedeutet? Ein Vogel zwitschert mir seine gleichmäßige Melodie ins Ohr, während von der Tafel im monotonen Tonfall eines Faultieres eine Lektion über die Negritude der Antillen ertönt. Ich tue, als hörte ich zu. Meine Gedanken sind längst an einem anderen Ort. Die Luft der Freiheit weht, habe ich gestern über Stanford gelernt. Die Freiheit, über das Empfinden und die Selbstschätzung einer Person zu entscheiden, scheint da trotz Rechtsstaates keine Ausnahme zu machen. Hat mich der Liberalismus betrogen? Wohl kaum. Eher der Individualismus. Selbstentfaltungswerte als Beziehungs- und Freundschaftsterminus. Wissen wir, was Kultur bedeutet? Draußen ist Frühling. Der Vogel ist verstummt, das Faultier nicht. Selbst der Wind macht eine Pause. Eine Pauschalisierung der Ereignisse endet meist in Selbstblendung – ebenso eine Eventualisierung. Auf die Mischung kommt es an, Fingerspitzengefühl ist gefragt. Dessen Verlust bedeutet nicht nur generellen Wertewandel, sondern Verunglimpfung persönlicher Schicksale. Wissen wir, was Kultur bedeutet? Draußen ist Winter.”

I’m not going to go through the trouble of translating. I’ll go through the trouble of revising the statement though: The “Fingerspitzengefühl” I was talking about is present in more people than I ever thought possible. The world isn’t bad. There are a lot of inspiring personas out there, people who are intelligent and caring, success-driven with a heart and a soul, friendly and direct. In fact, it might have been me who was lacking that very Fingerspitzengefühl: Everybody makes mistakes. Today, I can finally forgive. I’ll let her know, I haven’t talked to her in two years.

Hoffnung means hope…


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